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The Star Online: Lifestyle: Parenting

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The Star Online: Lifestyle: Parenting

Great relationships mean knowing when to shut up

Posted: 25 Apr 2014 09:00 AM PDT

We all say things we wish we hadn't in relationships, but there are some things that create a lot of drama that should be avoided at all costs.

These are the things marital and relationship experts will tell you are never solved even after years of being in the relationship. What we have learned from research is to just stay away from these topics.

Negotiating and conflict resolution are usually helpful with helping couples fight fair, but those skills have little use when you push a hot button.

Caution: Beware of these buttons.

1. Telling your partner to man up or anything you say that makes him feel like less of a man. Guys have insecurity, too, and they struggle with being men and feeling like men.

2. Telling her she would look more sexy if.... This means you desire someone else.

3. Telling her to calm down when she's upset. This will certainly make her blow her stack.

4. Rolling your eyes, or sighing; signs of aggression and resentment.

5. Acting bored or glazing over of the eyes. Proves you weren't listening and that's because you're not interested.

6. Saying anything to suggest your partner isn't as smart as you.

7. Comparing your partner to their mum, dad or any family member that it is understood is a weak link or not a compliment.

8. Anything to make her feel bad about her body image. Anytime a woman feels bad about her body, it means less intimacy or sex for you.

9. Any comparison to a friend or celebrity you're intrigued by. This begins the jealousy cycle which means more insecurity and less trust.

10. Teasing that lacks sensitivity. Calling someone a name can be playful unless the person is sensitive about the name you call them.

11. Mentioning anything about feeling forced into the relationship. This makes your partner feel rejected and that you regret your relationship with them.

12. Mentioning any fond times with an ex. The only exception is a widow or widower.

The longer you are with someone, the more personal power they trust you with. This gives you incredible influence over their self-esteem as well as their well-being.

This influence means that when you push a hot button you can do more damage to your relationship than if you had just met.

Continuing a great relationship means you know when to keep your mouth shut. –


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