The Star Online: Lifestyle: Parenting
The Star Online: Lifestyle: Parenting |
- Six most common fights among new parents
- Cricket mums stand by their special ones
- Hi-tech isn't complicated, it's child's play
| Six most common fights among new parents Posted: 13 Mar 2014 09:00 AM PDT Some new parents gush non-stop over their baby but somehow find lots of fault in one another. MAYBE you used to greet your partner at the door with a smile and a kiss, but now, when he arrives, you launch into a fight because he's two minutes late and you need to take a shower or have a moment of baby-free sanity. That's pretty typical for new parents. It's going to be a tough first few months; having a baby really does change everything (no one was lying about that). But just because you two are clashing about parenting doesn't mean you can't get back on track and agree to, well, agree. Cathy O'Neil, co-author of Babyproofing Your Marriage shows us how to move past the biggest new-parent obstacles without bodily harm. 1. Whose sleep is more important? "My husband always sleeps in and won't get out of bed before 8.30am on the weekends, except to do something he wants to do." What to do: Agree to make sleep a priority – for both of you. Someone's got to get up with baby in the morning. And one partner might think that because they were up at night, they're entitled to sleep. The other might think that because they worked a 50-hour week, they should be the one to snooze late. But really, you both should be allowed to catch a few extra Zzzzs here and there. So make a pact to make sleep a priority for both of you. That may mean skipping the weekly soccer game with buddies, or not immediately tackling the sink full of dishes, and sleeping instead. 2. Keeping score "We're constantly tallying up who did what, especially when we're tired – so pretty much always!" What to do: Lay down your weapons, and hand over your martyr badge. Remember, you two are on the same team. Instead of making lists after the fact, think ahead to the future. Make one master list of everything you both need to do and then divide it up. 3. Screen time during family time "My wife says I'm on my work e-mail and phone too much when I should be focused on family." What to do: Set aside a time and place for working at home. Remember your kids are only little for a short time. When you're with them, be present. This means designating a certain room, or even a chair or desk, as a home workspace, and specific times when each of you takes a turn there. When you or your partner is working, the other should respect that time. But when you're not in the work seat, put down the cellphone, close the laptop and enjoy some quality family time. 4. Which is the 'right way' to do it? "We fight about what we each feel are wrong decisions the other makes for baby." What to do: Step back, even if it's hard. The parent who's around baby most usually feels in charge of how things should go. But if you find yourself constantly telling your partner how to parent, he or she will never know the basics. Plus, you may end up resenting always having to be in control. So take a close look at what they did "wrong." If it's not critical in the grand scheme of raising your child, just let it go. 5. Big things that go unappreciated "I work really hard for our family, and I never feel like it's enough for her." What to do: Say what's on your mind. It's easy to feel like you are unappreciated. But remember, it goes both ways. It doesn't take grand gestures. A compliment here and there creates a more positive, supportive dynamic between you two. If you need validation, speak up. Tell your partner exactly what you need to hear to feel valued; sounds self-explanatory, but so many of us find it hard to be open and honest when we're trying to survive the new-parent phase. 6. Lack of sex "He wants to do it at as often as we did before, but by bedtime after breastfeeding all day, I need space." What to do: Schedule some romance. There's no wrong way to feel here; you both are right. Try to see your partner's side of it. Is there anything that would put you in the mood? Maybe it's more one-on-one conversation, fewer chores during the day or a little extra romance (chocolates and a rom-com, anyone?). If so, tell him. Some new parents find that switching up the time of day they have sex helps. Heck, why not schedule some sex? Sure, it sounds not so spontaneous or exciting, and it might not be at first, but eventually, once you're both back in the swing of things, you'll get back into your old groove. – TheBump.com/McClatchy-Tribune Information Services |
| Cricket mums stand by their special ones Posted: 13 Mar 2014 09:00 AM PDT In India, children with special needs who have a knack for playing cricket are cheered on by their mothers. BEING disabled doesn't have to be the big setback that it's made out be – that's what Manisha Kolte, a daily wage earner from Nagpur in Maharashtra, India, told her son, Nikhil, ever since the boy realised that he was "different" from the other children in his neighbourhood. Nikhil has been visually challenged since birth and his mother has been his biggest source of strength and his greatest supporter. "When everyone in the family, including my husband and in-laws, had given up on my son after they came to know of his disability, I made up my mind to prove everyone wrong. There is nothing wrong with him, so why should he be written off without being given a chance?" says Kolte. Despite the hardships, Kolte has "brought him up to think and be like a normal child. He may be studying in a special school which is equipped to provide him with quality education, but he is like any regular child. I know he will do well in life." Recently, Nikhil made his mother very proud when he padded up to play for a one-of-its-kind premier cricket league tournament for the visually impaired in his hometown. "When he told me that he was participating in this special tournament, I was happy that he was going to successfully cross another barrier that this society has set for people like him. Playing cricket has further boosted his confidence. "As a mother, I feel my prayers will bear fruit the day he is completely independent. Sometimes, I spend sleepless nights wondering whether he will be all alone once I am gone but I want to continue hoping for the best – and efforts like this cricket competition give courage to mothers like me," she adds. Setting up the Premier Cricket League for the visually impaired in the Vidarbha region of Maharashtra is the brainchild of Amar Wasnik, a local social worker. "I have been working with differently-abled men and women for the last 15 years. The whole idea behind initiating this tournament was not just to motivate the visually impaired but also to spread awareness amongst the general public about the challenges they face. If they can play cricket, they can do anything. But in order for them to be fully empowered, this society too has to be on their side," says Wasnik. While Wasnik's efforts have found a staunch supporter in former Indian team fast bowler Prashant Vaidya, he is hoping that "later on, people from different parts of the country will also come out to promote such events. "We are glad that youngsters from different parts of Vidarbha, including Amrawati, Akola, Hingna and Yavatmal, have participated this time around." The composition of the teams was also carefully thought out. Each team comprised 11 players: four were totally visually impaired – they wore cool black eye patches – four had 70% impaired vision and three had more than 40% impaired vision." Like Kolte, when Sundari Gajbhije, a school teacher, came to know that her son, Kaustubh, 14, was participating in the cricket league, she couldn't contain her excitement. "He was born with 80% visual impairment. I have seen him struggle with this disability, but he always emerges successful," she observes with a smile. Gajbhije, however, was not this positive at the beginning. As a mother, initially, it was heartbreaking for her to discover that her baby had this disability. "I was so disheartened that I would try to forget about him or ignore him. It was my mother who made me understand how blessed I was to have Kaustubh in my life. Today, I understand what she was telling me all those years back. He is such a caring child and very sensitive to what I am thinking and feeling. He has learnt to face the adversities of life head-on, and I am leaving no stone unturned to ensure that he is able to fulfil his dreams and ambitions. Participating in the Premier Cricket League has been good for his morale and mine." To be match ready, players like Kaustubh and Nikhil got to practise their sweep shots at the pitch using a cricket ball that is larger than the standard size and is filled with 'charras' that make a lot of noise. During the games, which were held last year, Wasnik had gone all out to make the event as glamorous and fun-filled as its more famous counterpart, the Indian Premier League, or IPL, which attracts big bucks, the attention of the mainstream press as well as A-list celebs. "We too had a live DJ and cheer leaders to pep up our players and pump up the spectators at the Narendra Nagar NIT grounds," he says. Besides Kolte and Gajbhije, cheering loudly from the stands was Sudha Gupte, who earns a living as a domestic help. This was the first such tournament her son Ankit, 16, participated in. "Our entire family is so happy and this feeling can't be described in words. As far as we are concerned, he is the Sachin Tendulkar (aka India's 'God of Cricket') of our clan. My husband even bought him a pair of expensive sports shoes to make sure he was comfortable while playing," says Gupte. She feels what her son has achieved is quite inspirational. "My daughter, Sarita, who is 10 and has normal eyesight, now insists that she would like to play a sport. She wants to follow her brother's example and be brilliant at whatever she does. I know that this tournament will lead to more and better opportunities for children like Ankit." But if Gupte can't stop talking about her son's talent, then her mother in-law and Ankit's grandmother, Savitri Bai has some valid concerns for his future – and that of others like him. "It is good that special children are getting chances like these to prove themselves. But I want ask – what happens to them after this? There is so much money being spent on well-known players, but who is bothered about these visually impaired children who are also playing good cricket? "I think the government should step in to help them out so that they are not left in the lurch. What if Ankit doesn't get adequate opportunities to hone his game further? He may get frustrated and disheartened with life. That is something I would never want for my own grandson or any other child," she cautions. In a country where the needs and aspirations of the disabled are often neglected, Savitri's fears are valid. But as long as these youngsters have strong family members – who are usually their mothers – by their side, there will always be some hope for them. – Women's Feature Service |
| Hi-tech isn't complicated, it's child's play Posted: 13 Mar 2014 08:45 PM PDT A study shows young kids have a real knack for figuring out how gadgets work. Pre-school kids are better than university students when it comes to figuring out how gadgets, gizmos and unusual toys work. Or so say the results of research undertaken by the University of California, Berkeley, and the University of Edinburgh. The researchers tested how 106 kids four and five years old and 107 college undergraduates faired in getting to grips with something they called "Blickets", a game with both physical and electrical elements that functioned in an unusual way. The object of the game is to place clay geometric shapes (Blickets) on a box in certain numbers or combinations in order to activate a light and play music. The researchers found that because children are more flexible and less biased than adults when it comes to concepts such as cause and effect, they were quicker in solving the problem at the heart of the game. For example, following game demonstrations, the preschoolers quickly figured out that combinations of shapes placed on the box would trigger the music, while the students persisted in trying to figure out which individual geometric shapes made the music play. They stuck to a common and obvious rule even though through demonstrations, the researchers had indicated that said rules didn't necessarily apply. "As far as we know, this is the first study examining whether children can learn abstract cause and effect relationships, and comparing them to adults," said UC Berkeley developmental psychologist Alison Gopnik, senior author of the paper published online in the journal Cognition. The paper highlights that on the whole, children are more likely to follow Bayesain logic, or in layman's terms, to entertain unlikely possibilities in order to understand how something functions. Therefore it's little wonder that the average five-year-old can crack a smartphone's passcode and run up a huge bill thanks to in-app purchases in a matter of minutes. "One big question, looking forward, is what makes children more flexible learners – are they just free from the preconceptions that adults have, or are they fundamentally more flexible or exploratory in how they see the world?" said Christopher Lucas, lead author of the paper and a lecturer at the University of Edinburgh. "Regardless, children have a lot to teach us about learning." — AFP Relaxnews |
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