The Star Online: Lifestyle: Parenting
The Star Online: Lifestyle: Parenting |
- Parenting with your ex still requires teamwork
- Mother of three tackles the dreaded dinner party
- Reading for motivation
| Parenting with your ex still requires teamwork Posted: We usually take turns failing. No parent is perfect, that much I've quickly come to realise. Maybe we don't forget our kids in grocery stores, but for those of us willing to be honest, there are mistakes. Often. My ex-husband, Ben, and I co-parent our son, so perfection seems even further out of reach when there are two households to maintain. Still, we do a good job. We communicate. We swap schedules. We're usually on top of things, and if one of us is off our game, the other is always more than willing to pick up the slack. Except this time we both dropped the ball. Suddenly it was June, and we realised neither of us had made any headway – not even so much as consulted Google – toward getting our nearly five-year-old son registered for Preppy-K. Preppy-K, or transitional kindergarten, is basically a two-year programme designed for kids like our son Sam, who will turn five in September and is on the cusp of the age cutoff. While Ben and I had discussed at length the pros and cons of holding him back so that he would be slightly older than his class, rather than the youngest, the timing snuck up on us like a loud, horn-blowing train: KIN-derrrrr. KIN-derrrrr. It began to haunt my dreams. How could I have forgotten? When I finally began to enquire about various enrolment requirements and dates, I discovered that we were about three months behind in the process. There had been an informational meeting for parents in March and various deadlines had passed, the most recent in May. Being the more organised – nay, anal retentive – half of our parenting team, I kicked it into high gear. I made frantic (but polite) phone calls. I filled out paperwork. I even made a map online, plotting every magnet school in our district to determine which were the most convenient for me (as I'll drop our son off in the morning) and Sam's dad (who will pick him up). When I delivered the incredibly detailed packet of papers to the nearest school, I felt like I'd completed a marathon. Obviously, I wasn't the first to cross the finish line, but I'd at least made it before the pace car. Wrong. It was all wrong, it seemed. I had the wrong birth certificate (didn't I know the hospital-issued certificate wouldn't suffice?) and the wrong proof of residence (online printouts aren't acceptable, Ms Hack, as they're too easily doctored) and our son was nowhere near complete in the immunisation process. How we were supposed to know any of this as first-time parents is beyond me (but I suspect there will be about 10,000 more times when I'll wonder that before my kid is of legal age). Fortunately, the secretary at the school was kind and not judgmental about my complete lack of knowledge, even though I imagined her leering at me over her glasses, wondering how I could be such a horrible, horrible mother. There were lots of other parents in the same boat, she assured me. That didn't make me feel any better. I thought I'd crossed the finish line. Instead I'd only turned a corner to face a laughably steep hill. So we kicked it into high gear. Again. But this time we shared the load. While Ben high-tailed it to the county clerk's office, I begged the Gas Company to put a rush on the proof of residence letter and finagled my way into a doctor visit sooner than the normal three-week waiting period. We ironed out the kinks and got our stuff together. Sometimes people wonder how it's possible that my ex-husband and I get along so well after a divorce. We've worked hard to get to this point, but one of the most powerful tactics we've learned is to work together in moments like this, not work against each other. It's easy to get snippy or try to do it all on your own, risking later resentment that your partner didn't help. Instead, it's important for us to remember that as parents we are a team. We're well oiled by mutual love for our child, and we're successful time and again when we depend on each other, facing this crazy parenting world side by side. The second time around, delivering the Preppy-K paperwork was more satisfying because this time I knew it would be acceptable. And it was. All was well. Of course, being literally months late, we didn't get our first-choice school. Nor our second. But we're super excited about our third, and even happier about the fact that Sam is enrolled at all. All that's left now is to determine whose turn it is to fail next. – The Orange County Register / MCT |
| Mother of three tackles the dreaded dinner party Posted: Ever since I was on my own (without the wonderful luxury of a maid), the number of times I've invited guests over for dinner has taken a plunge. Yes! I am not ashamed to say that I shy away from housework, especially washing up after a big get-together. It's seriously no fun; staying up late, washing, wiping, sweeping, and then arranging my chinaware. However, the dreaded day did creep up. My husband wanted to host a dinner for a very close colleague. Going out for dinner was not an option because we would have to rush back home by 9pm – the children's bedtime. Why not get a babysitter, you may wonder. My youngest, 14 months, is still being breastfed and she has to go where I go because I am too lazy to pump. So, for the dinner, I made sure I had equipped myself and prepared everything in advance (like you would see on Dinner Party Wars on the TLC channel). Since this dinner was on a school day, I decided to do all the preparations the night before. Everything was peeled, cut, chopped, minced and marinated according to the recipes, and stored in the fridge. Once the elder two had left for school in the morning and with my youngest still in bed, I began my culinary journey. I must say, cooking is fairly easy and quick if you have everything ready just like in the cooking shows where all the ingredients are measured and arranged neatly in tiny ceramic bowls. Within half an hour, I managed to make the curry paste. With most of the cooking done, all that was left would be sorted out by my trusty oven. I felt like Nigella Lawson, looking so pretty and calm while getting the delectable dinner served. To cut to the chase, it turned out to be a very pleasant and wonderful experience. The menu was gastronomical for me because I had never made any of those dishes before. Thank goodness for my friends Kavita and Rajinder, who assisted and guided me over the phone. Real-time cooking was fun! I was most proud of my Butter Chicken – it was everything and more you would expect when you dine in Bombay Palace. That it how my guest described it. I didn't just serve Butter Chicken. Another delectable one was a typical Punjabi dish called Kachumba. I only discovered this dish when I was frantically searching for what to put on my menu. Credit goes to my friend who gave me the recipe. I just love how fresh and raw the vegetables are. All you need is eggplant (grilled with a bit of oil), tomatoes, onions, and capsicum. All these must be diced. Then drizzle it with lemon juice, salt and pepper. You could also add a dash of olive oil to give it a shine and make it appetising. My kids loved this. Its hard to get kids to eat fresh/raw food, but this worked. Since the main course was chicken, I decided to tweak the Chicken Tandoori recipe a little. Luckily, I had some leftover lamb chops and it was simple enough to just change it from chicken to lamb. With a little bit of planning and sacrificing TV, I think I can pull off a couple more dinner parties. What say you? Jasbir Kaur shares her recipes at http://beeraycoffeethoughts.blogspot.com/. |
| Posted: My 10-year-old daughter Ani is currently reading Amni Cuma Nak A. It is a motivational novel about a girl, Amni, who overcomes her weakness in Mathematics while preparing for UPSR examination. Ani simply loves the story because it is similar to her daily experiences in primary school. It has even become a firm favourite for the bedtime story ritual! Just to encourage my kids further, I would read with animated voices for each character. This way, the story comes to life and now both Ani and her younger sister Amy really look forward to reading books! Shamsun Nisha Shahul Hamid |
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