The Star Online: Lifestyle: Parenting
The Star Online: Lifestyle: Parenting |
| Posted: This father works hard to make sure his children don't suffer the hardships he endured. THE recent report of a father who killed his wife and two children because he was depressed over his massive debts, coupled with the latest published figure on Malaysian household debt which has surged to 83% of our GDP, have prompted me to reflect on a father's role as a financial provider to his family. I come from a humble background. When I was young, I had to resort to borrowing money from my Indian neighbour – who was a retired lawyer – to enroll for the MCE and HSC examinations, now respectively the equivalent to SPM and STPM examinations. I remember the news of an offer to study engineering from a Singaporean university brought me no joy as my poor sick father could not afford the entrance and lodging fees. I had to tear away the offer letter and throw it into the drain with a bitter heart. Nevertheless, in early 1981, with RM50 and a one way bus ticket, I furthered my Physics studies in University Malaya in Kuala Lumpur. After many failures, I managed to secure JPA assistance to complete my degree. During that period, I also studied and qualified as a chartered accountant with a UK body. The hardship, rejection, frustration and madness to secure funds for my secondary, tertiary and professional studies have made me determined that my two children would not have to suffer the same fate. I worked hard for the past 28 years and strove to be financially able to see them achieve their dreams of studying medicine. I forego luxury cars, branded clothing and trips to flashy entertainment outlets. But we did indulge in the occasional local and overseas family holidays. We have travelled to most parts of the world, except for Africa, Alaska and the two extreme poles. Travelling as a family is a must for us to recharge, and also a good learning experience and exposure for my children. My wife cooked us delicious meals, which we enjoy until now. In the early years, we invested our excess funds in property and stocks, which have enabled us to finance our children's tertiary education in UK. We live a simple, disciplined, debt-free, but fruitful life within our means. My eldest daughter, JC, a bright sweetheart of 22, is an excellent footballer who scored straight A's in her examinations, has completed her MBBS this May. She will be serving her internship at a hospital in Manchester City soon. As a child, her energy seemed boundless, and her curiousity often landed us in odd situations. During a flight to Europe when she was six, she was told she couldn't visit the cockpit. But she insisted vigorously till the pilot relented. For half an hour, she sat with the pilot while he showed her how the plane was flown. As I was working and travelling a lot, I made sure I sent her to the school every morning when I was in town so we could talk about various topics such as religion, humanities and education. I believe this helped develop her character. Our discussions have guided her intellectually, spiritually and emotionally, as well as strengthened her belief in her ability to be an independent and responsible adult. Her ambition to be an excellent surgeon should be a key motivation for her to work harder. My second child, Jason, 18, is tall and handsome, and has also done well in his examinations. He will be joining his sister to study medicine in London soon. As a child, he was quiet but conscientious, observant and obedient. As I was working abroad, he has developed to be an independent and caring adult under my wife's guidance. I believe he will be a caring doctor who will be very responsible towards his patients, and a good father to his children. When they were younger, my children asked me why they were not sent to international schools. I told them that they had to understand our unique society which is made up of different races. I wanted them to mix with people of different races and backgrounds so they could learn, interact and strengthen the unity of our social fabric. A well-equipped school might be good academically, but fail them culturally. A diverse environment trains one to be fully aware of his or her surroundings and build the capacity to identify one's own strengths and weaknesses. I often tell my children that I am not an ideal father and possess many shortcomings and weaknesses, but I had always worked hard to make sure that I could support their dreams financially. From my experience, I know it's not easy to get financial aid, but I am always grateful to my neighbour who lend me the RM200 for my examination fees even though we were not related. With his kindness, he has been responsible for the making of a chartered accountant and a doctor. We were not of the same race, but he helped me. This is what Bangsa Malaysia truly is. |
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