The Star Online: Lifestyle: Parenting
The Star Online: Lifestyle: Parenting |
| Sometimes it's okay to say yes Posted: So when I was working on a recent Friday, helping out with our George Zimmerman trial coverage, I received a freaked-out phone call from my husband. He said a "parakeet" had landed in our front yard, and he and our son had captured it. Like I have time for this, I thought. Seriously? I was very focused on work. Jury deliberations were about to start, and the last thing I wanted to deal with was a lost bird. When my husband described the bird, I immediately knew it wasn't a parakeet. It was a domestic cockatiel that either flew out of someone's home or was let go. I knew by the bird's reaction and my husband's description of its grey and white feathers, orange cheek spots, yellow face and crest. I had a hand-fed male cockatiel when I was a teen until I went away to college. I even worked in a pet store as a teen, so I used to know a lot (now forgotten) about birds. My husband didn't know what to do with the bird, so I asked my podmate, close friend and cat foster mum, Tanya, if she knew of any bird refuges. She said there was one in Christmas, Florida. I asked my husband to take the bird there because we were NOT keeping him. We have two cats and two guinea pigs. We didn't need another pet, especially a bird with the cats. In the meantime, my husband and son did some quick-thinking and relocated our tan-and-white guinea pig, Squeaky, to a big cardboard box and put the bird in his cage. After gathering some yard branches, they went to the store, bought birdseed, a few toys and a water bowl. They hoped to find the bird's owner and posted a "Lost bird found" sign in our front yard. But no one came to claim him. By the time I got home, my son was calling the cockatiel "Dave" and begged me to let him keep it. He gave me the Puss in Boots kitty cat eyes from Shrek that he knows always gets me and swore he would take good care of him. I said no and again reminded everyone we already have FOUR pets. The weird part was my husband wanted to keep the bird. This is very unusual. He's the one who doesn't want more pets. I am the one who got the second cat and second guinea pig. Fast-forward a few days, and Squeaky was going nuts in the cardboard box, flinging his large guinea-pig body around and almost knocking it over, so my husband and son went to get a "temporary" bird cage (I think you know where this is going). They came home with super-deluxe, basically cat-proof cockatiel cage priced at $149, marked down to $99, then marked down on clearance to $22. With that, and all the danger the bird had escaped, we all agreed Dave was destined to be part of the Hey family. We live on a very busy road, have a hawk who comes by quite often and a few outdoor cats roaming the neighbourhood. Dave was lucky to be alive. When I told my work podmates, my co-worker, Cassie, who has two boys, one near my son's age, gave me some sage advice: "Sometimes, it's okay to say yes." She was right. Nothing beat the pure joy I felt telling my son that he could keep Dave or the happiness I saw on his face. - Orlando Sentinel / MCT |
| Five ways to manage sibling rivalry Posted: As a daddy to seven kids between the ages of five months and 27 years old, I've learned a thing or two – first hand – about sibling rivalry. And through that experience I've come to understand a few ways in which to help manage the seemingly inevitable rivalry. Here are my top five tips to help parents with sibling rivalry: 1) Allow each child time to shine. The first rule can come into play in a variety of ways. First of all, figure out what each child is really good at and encourage that activity. Let them know how proud you are of them and how wonderful they are at whatever activity they may be interested in. Keep in mind every child will likely excel in a different endeavour, which is a good thing when helping to diminish sibling rivalry. Children need to know they're successful and have their very own, special niche. Secondly, make special time to spend alone with each of your children. For instance, you might have one child who is high-energy and likes to talk – a lot, and another who tends to be more quiet and reflective; you don't want these two to constantly be competing for your attention. Make sure you set aside special times to share individually with each of your children. This special time will allow them to feel like they have your attention and will eliminate some need for sibling rivalry. 2) Be equal, just and fair. As a parent this is always a difficult task to accomplish. Most of us know by now that life, in general, isn't fair. What I'm talking about here, however, is to practise fairness and equality in the way in which you treat your children. If they're all on the same playing field they'll be less likely to be battling one another because, let's face it, they'll be on the same team. At times, bending the rules may be easier but, when you're a parent to multiple children, bending the rules for one will lead to sibling rivalry as one child will feel like they got the short end of the stick. When in doubt, just be fair and treat all of your children with love and respect. 3) Don't make comparisons. Comparisons lead to competition, which will lead to sibling rivalry – bottom line. Never say, "Why can't you be more like your brother?" Remember that every child is an individual with unique thoughts, talents and emotions. And every child is incredible. Instead of making comparisons, try using positive reinforcements and pointing out what things each child does individually very well. This strategy will allow for less sibling rivalry. 4) Explore feelings and share openly. I'm a firm believer in speaking openly and honestly with your children. It's not always the easiest thing to do, but giving children the opportunity to feel it's okay to share their emotions openly is huge – on multiple levels. You'll likely be shocked by the things they tell you, and it will probably be eye-opening as well. Sharing feelings and emotions, together as a family, will enable your children to care for one another and be more empathetic to others, too. If you can get your children to see the bigger picture through feelings and emotions they'll be less likely to have the need to compete via sibling rivalry. 5) Lead by example. Remember as a dad you have big shoes to fill. Your children are ALWAYS watching you and learning from you, too. So it's important to lead by example. Don't be jealous of other people; be proud of the things you have and focus on the positive. A little competition can be beneficial, sure, as it can push you to try harder and do better, but there's no need to teach your children to be over-competitive; instead it's important to share with them that they can't win at everything and there's always something to be gained when we "lose". Be the best dad you can be, and show your children ways in which they can solve their problems – before they lead to sibling rivalry. Happy parenting! – McClatchy-Tribune |
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