The Star Online: Lifestyle: Parenting
The Star Online: Lifestyle: Parenting |
| Posted: Navigating through Daddyhood can be tricky, and even downright confusing at times, so I've come up with the "four C's" of daddyhood. These four C's remind me of what's most important, show me how to handle various daddy situations and help keep me calmly on the (sometimes bumpy) road that is daddyhood. CONSISTENCY: First things first – being a dad is all about consistency. Success in daddyhood requires consistency in all aspects of parenthood: Consistently making it home in time for family dinner; developing a routine your children will consistently look forward to every day; consistently finding quality time to spend with your kids; consistently setting a good example for your children to follow. Your kids will look to you, their dad, for advice, for help, for ideas, for really just about everything. And you need to be ready to be a dad who is consistent. COMMUNICATION: One of the single most important things you can do to navigate smoothly through daddyhood is to communicate effectively – not only with your wife but with your children, too. If something is unclear, you ask questions; if you're expected to be somewhere you find out all the details; and most importantly you let your family know just how much they mean to you each and every day. Sit down with your children and talk to them about anything and everything. You'll be surprised by the things they tell you and your father-child bond will grow because of this special time spent working on keeping open lines of communication. CONTROL: Yes, you're the man of the house, but that doesn't mean you control how that house is run day to day. In fact, if there's one thing I've learned through daddyhood it's that you'll have to give up a great deal of control. Things are not always going to work out how you wanted them to and you'll have to learn to be flexible and roll with the punches. Your wife likely has control over the weekly calendar and schedule, and you should thank her daily for keeping your family's lives moving smoothly from day to day. You, as the daddy, however, can find control in organisation and routine; figure out what works for you and stick to it. CREATIVITY: Possibly my favourite of the four C's is creativity. As we struggle through day-to-day life it can be easy to forget to have fun and find enjoyment in the seeming mundane everyday moments. As a dad I work hard to turn simple tasks into enjoyable moments making my wife and children smile and laugh as often as possible. Be creative every single day and strive to make every moment enjoyable, as time is fleeting and your children will be grown up before you know it. - McClatchy-Tribune |
| Posted: Are your unmotivated teens or tweens causing you sleepless nights? Now, stand back and take a good look at your child. DO your teens or tweens come home with borderline grades year after year, or straight Cs when you know he could get As? It is driving you up the wall, especially because you know how important it is for him to do well in school so that he can get into university someday. You're worried sick about his future, so you nag and get on his case about his laziness, lack of motivation and irresponsibility. You just don't get why he's so uninterested in doing well, so you try everything you can think of to motivate him. But try as you might, the situation doesn't get better; in fact, it gets worse. As a parent, it's difficult not to become invested in our teens and tweens' academic life because we know how important it is for their future. From our perspective, it makes no sense that our teens and tweens would put things like friends or electronics before their work. Look at how motivated and interested they are when it comes to things that excite them, like video games, music, Facebook and the coolest jeans to have. The truth is, most teens and tweens are motivated, but not by what we think should motivate them. One thing for certain is that if you pressure your teens or tweens in order to motivate them, it almost always makes things worse! Understand that teens and tweens need to buy into the value of doing well. Think about it in terms of our own life and it will be easier to understand. Even as an adult, you may know it's best to eat right, but to actually follow through is another story! In a way, our teens and tweens must own the importance of doing well themselves. For some teens and tweens, all the stars are aligned at the right time – motivation, skills and attitude combine to create a successful outcome. But for most of us, it's way trickier and a much more uneven path to motivation and success. When you think about it, not every child asks teachers for help, does all their homework on time all the time, reviews the material they have learned each night and puts aside all the other distractions to get down to their studies. Not even ourselves, when we were a tween or teen! The ones who do are typically those who have what is called "good executive functioning", because the front part of their brain is more developed. This plays a significant role in school achievement. It helps the regulation of emotions, attention span, perseverance and flexibility. For many, their functioning often does not develop until much later. But if you have a teen or tween who is lagging behind, it's hard to imagine that they're not just lazy, irresponsible and unmotivated. Of course, if you start believing these things about your child, you will simply get annoyed, frustrated, angry, and reactive to their laziness – which will contribute to the power struggle and their defiance. How can you avoid this? Remember, your child's lack of motivation is not your fault, so don't personalise it. When you do, you may actually contribute to the underachieving by creating more resistance. Look at it this way. If you look too closely in the mirror, you can't really see yourself – it's just a blur. But when you get farther away, you actually see yourself more clearly. Do the same with your teen or tween. Sometimes we're just so close, so enmeshed, that we just can't see them as separate from us. But if you stand back far enough, you can start to see your teen or tween as his own person and find out what makes him tick – and then you'll be able to help him understand himself as well. When you step back and observe, you'll know what works for him, why he's reaching for certain things and what really gets him moving. There will be things he's never going to be motivated to do but is still required to do. He may hate doing his chores and try to get out of them, and that's when you give him consequences. As a parent, the goal is to influence your teen or tween when he has to do something he doesn't want to do, and get to know him well enough to figure out what his own desires might be. You want to help your teen or tween define for himself who he is, what's important to him and what he's going to do to make those things happen. Our responsibility is to help our teen or tween do that, not to do it for them. We need to stay out of their way enough so they can figure out who they are, what they think and where their own interests lie. Research has plainly shown that motivated children do better in school – not necessarily because they feel they have to be the best, but because they are trying their best. |
| How to make recess food exciting Posted: Most parents struggle with snacks to give their kids for recess at school. After looking at their child return home with the 10th half-eaten sandwich, some give up and hand their kids two ringgit to buy biscuits that are nutritionally empty. We empathise totally. Here are some tips and tricks you can use to entice your child to finish the prepared recess food: Use fun names Don't tell your kid you packed kaya sandwich for him. Tell him it is the Great Green Magic Potion, that will power him through the spelling test. Instead of boring fried rice, tell him it's Gulliver's magic rice, which gives him the power to listen to little people (like the story). Sardine sandwiches become King Triton's energy roll. You get the picture. Disclaimer: This tip usually works with children younger than six. The older ones will see through it. Choose their favourite colours Every kid loves a rainbow. Focus on foods that will allow you to colourise their snack. Tell them if they eat a rainbow, they'll be the coolest kid in the world. Arrange apple, cheese, papaya and even cucumber slices side by side. This way, they're eating healthily and in a colourful way. Fruit and vegetable kebabs If rainbows don't work, it's time to bring out the skewers. We don't know what it is with kids and skewers, but they seem to love eating anything stuck to a stick. This is a great way for you to make fruits and vegetable a part of their snacking routine. The ingredients are yours for the choosing – juicy watermelon, crunchy cucumber, delicious tomatoes, and more. Just make sure you take the sharp edges off the skewers before sending them to school with their snack box. Make a connection Make their food a part of their interest. If your kids are into certain cartoon characters, you could make food in their shapes. There are heaps of online tutorials that will teach you how to make a Totoro sandwich, or a Pororo bento box. Sometimes, you may not even have to do something as elaborate as a bento box. Find a way to connect the food to your kid's interest of the moment. If your kid loves art, prepare a peanut butter and jam sandwich that is smeared to look like artwork. A ballet fan could be given a rice pack shaped like a ballet shoe. There are plenty of cookie cutters in various shapes out there. Use these as moulds for rice and bread. Serve it in a new way Always find new ways to present the food to your kid. Make a roll instead of a sandwich. Create fruit lollipops instead of kebabs. How about a sushi burger instead of a sushi roll? Let them prepare their own meals Get your kids involved in preparing their snacks. Take them shopping for the ingredients, and let them choose what they want to eat. Of course, the rule is they have to choose sensible, healthful food, instead of sugary treats. Once the shopping is done, ask them how they would like to prepare their snack. Do they want to eat with their hands, or would they prefer to use utensils? From there, decide together on a menu for the week. Make sure you take their input seriously, and not just brush it aside. If they say they really don't want cucumber in their snack, agree on an alternative. Don't force it. Talk about food Make food a part of your conversation whenever you can. When you're choosing produce at the supermarket, talk about the vitamins that are contained in green vegetables. Talk about how organic farmers grow their crops without pesticides. Kids are great with technology nowadays. You could follow up with a little research on the Internet after your shopping sessions, to find out a particular point of interest. Explore food from different countries This is a great way to introduce new foods to your kids. Divide the weeks into countries. During India week, pack foods like roti canai, vadai, putu mayam and such. During Korea week, make some kimbap for your kid to bring to school to share with friends. During United States week, pack sliders and baked potatoes. Your kids will be too excited about sharing these new discoveries with their friends, that they will hopefully, devour everything you pack. Make it a group effort If you can get together with other parents, you could try setting up a snack pooling schedule. We notice that kids love the food that their friends bring. It doesn't matter that they have the same food at home; it's simply more delicious when another kid brings it. Take turns to cook portions for every kid in the group. If you can get a group of four households together, decide on a schedule a month in advance, and every household will prepare four portions of food every day for a school week. This will lessen your burden too, as you only have to do it once every four weeks. If you prefer, you could agree in advance the kinds of food to prepare. |
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