The Star Online: Lifestyle: Parenting
The Star Online: Lifestyle: Parenting |
| Posted: They may be quadruplets, but they are not alike. WHEN the Tablada girls – Elizabeth and Emma, Rachel and Rebecca – walked across the stage recently to receive their Southwest High School diplomas, parents Les and Lisa felt pride, got teary-eyed, and were very relieved. "When they were little and I wasn't getting much sleep and it was such hard work, I couldn't have imagined this," said Lisa, 46, in Miami, Florida, in the United States. And from Les, 58, some nostalgic regret: "How did they get from being so little to where they are now?" At 18, the Tablada quads are still something of a phenomenon. In school, teachers pepper them with questions and new friends express shock, even doubt, when they find out. Accustomed to the attention and sometimes embarrassed by it, too, the girls shrug it off. "We don't make a big deal of it," said Elizabeth. But a big deal it is. Twins, their friends have seen, triplets maybe. But four of a kind? Quads are rare – one per 600,000 births. Rebecca explains it this way: "It's like having three other sisters all the same age." Though the sisters have diverse interests and, according to their mother, "very, very different personalities," the four plan to attend Miami Dade College. Elizabeth wants to do "something with children", maybe become a speech therapist. Rebecca, who taught herself how to play the guitar, plans a degree in music therapy. Emma is trying to make up her mind between business, computer science and biology, and Rachel will likely go into sociology or science. All will remain at home – but don't ask about bedroom assignments. While Emma has her own room – a teeny one on the first floor of the family's home in Westchester, Florida – two of the quads share a bigger room, and a third bunks with their younger sister, 16-year-old Mara. Each of them wants their own room, a little privacy and some extra space, but as Lisa tells them: "It's not going to happen." Born on an Easter Sunday, the quads have had their milestones chronicled by The Miami Herald newspaper: when they were baptised at Trinity Episcopal Cathedral, at a first birthday celebration at Jackson Memorial Hospital and when they turned 13 while attending Rockway Middle School. Their father, who owns a translation business, has taken hundreds of pictures of the girls over the years. "I sit there every day and look at them on my laptop and I think, they're grown up. They're all grown up," he said. Lisa and Les have been married for 23 years. Early on, a fertility doctor told her she had only a 25% chance of getting pregnant. Obviously, he was wrong. When an ultrasound technician initially announced she was carrying two, Lisa was not too stunned. "I could get that. I had toyed around with the idea of twins," she said. But then the staff counted two more babies. "My husband went white as a sheet," she said. "I had to laugh." Born at 28 weeks, the babies spent about two months in the hospital while their lungs developed. Because some of the girls came home before the others, it gave the Tabladas time to adjust, namely to move into a bigger house. "The first months were a blur," Lisa said. "The family helped here and there, but mostly on the weekends. It was a 24-hour job for us." Feeding was an assembly line, and for a while the quads slept two to a crib. And when little sister Mara came along two years later, "she was such a breeze. The pregnancy was wonderful. I could walk. I could breathe," Lisa said. As the quads grew, they shared birthday parties and clothes and bunk beds. They traded class notes and helped each other with homework. They formed – and broke – alliances. "Some days they get along better," Lisa said, "and some days they all gang up on one." The sharing, though, has always been an annoyance. Not one of the four sister hesitated when asked about the hardest part of being a quad. Emma: "I never really had a special day all my own. I was always one of the girls, one of the four. Sometimes I would just like to be considered Emma, by myself." Elizabeth: "I didn't like sharing birthdays." Rachel: "We pretty much had to share everything and sometimes we got into fights." And Rebecca: "You don't get as many birthday gifts, that's all." But the sisters added that the benefits outweighed the price. They had more clothes to pick from. They always had at least one playmate nearby and because their talents are varied, they were able to help each other in school. "I think," said Rachel, "it made me more aware of other people and what their needs are." – The Miami Herald/McClatchy-Tribune Information Services |
| Posted: Teach children to avoid abuse, China's parents urged. BEIJING judges have seen a rise in child sex abuse cases, and the victims are getting younger. Chaoyang District People's Court in the Chinese capital has handled an average of 10 cases a year in the past three years, involving a total of 32 victims. Most were younger than 10, while the youngest was three years old.The court handled only 20 of such cases from 2007 to 2010. "Most victims were the children of migrant workers, about 70%," said Zhang Yan, deputy director of juvenile tribunals for Chaoyang district court. Most convicted defendants were men older than 40 and with families, records show. Prosecutors for the capital's Xicheng district have tried 22 cases since 2010, involving 28 victims. Seventeen were younger than 14 years old, and 11 were younger than 10. "Minors are vulnerable and easily become targets," said Liu Qing, a senior Xicheng prosecutor. He said victims usually knew their abusers, such as neighbours, family friends or stepfathers. Many cases involved repeated abuse over a period of two or three years, said Yu Junping, a judge with Tongzhou district people's court. "Victims didn't dare tell their parents, and didn't consider reporting the abuse to the police," Yu said. Zhang Ning, a prosecutor in Chaoyang district, said collecting solid evidence is the biggest hurdle that judicial authorities face in child sex abuse investigations. She urged parents to immediately report to the police if their child is sexually assaulted, and advised people to keep calm and help children remember details, as well as hold on to clothing for forensic tests. "It's terrible that some victims' parents seek compensation rather than report an incident to the police," Liu said, adding that the behaviour can affect a judge's attitude towards a victim's testimony. To deter sexual assaults of minors, the authorities have been urged to introduce tougher sentences, step up police patrols in key areas and enhance security. However, legal experts say a lack of awareness among children, parental negligence and flawed safety systems are also at fault for the frequent cases of sexual abuse. "In China, few parents are aware of the importance of sex education, and they just guide their children to learn early sex education when they are 14 or 15," Zhang said. Chinese schools also just have physical health classes rather than sex education courses, she said. "Most victims lack awareness on how to protect themselves and they refuse to speak out," Zhang said. "The damage is not found until their parents realise what's going on, perhaps because of unusual behaviour." She said some juveniles may not even realise they have been sexually abused, as schools and families lack sex education. "It's urgent for adults to start teaching sex knowledge to children instead of confusing them and being too embarrassed to talk about the issue," she said, adding that parents should improve communication with their children. Han Jingjing, a lawyer with the Beijing Youth Legal Aid and Research Centre, added that some parents, particularly migrant workers, are too busy to properly protect their children. "In some cases, parents let their children go to nearby shops or take elevators alone, which provided a chance for the accused," she said, adding that youngsters left with elderly relatives in the countryside are especially vulnerable. Liu also criticised loopholes in school safety. "Many sexual assaults happen in classrooms and dormitories," he said. "Some even occur at a teacher's podium." Schools are not only failing to conduct regular patrols, but also do not equip dormitories with protective measures, giving criminals opportunities to enter. – China Daily/ANN |
| Helping your child through the death of a pet Posted: The death of a pet can be a shock for young children who do not yet understand the concept of permanence the way older children or adults do. There are things you can do to help guide your child, gently and lovingly through sadness, confusion and stress that accompany such an event. Tactile toddlers in particular will seek out extra cuddles and hugs, needing to be held for reassurance. The trick is to let them come to you and be aware that they may fluctuate between pushing you away to pulling you close. This physical expression is directly linked to their confusion about the situation. Sometimes a young child can transfer their confusion onto younger children or another pet, so make sure you at clear about what is and isn't acceptable behaviour. Auditory children tend to need lots of explanations, some which can be difficult to give. Divert this process by sharing stories of when you lost your pet and how you felt. If the mood gets a bit dreary, talk about all the fun times you all had and bring the conversation into the positive. Another trait auditory children have is to tell everybody everything, so don't be surprised if they cherry announce to the grocer or school teacher in detail that their pet had died. This is not them being insensitive, but rather a way of accepting difficult-to-digest information through repetition. Most people clean out the cage and area the pet previously held, but for a visual child this can be disturbing. If possible try to keep things visually the same, at least for a short time and when change is necessary, do your best to do it slowly or replace the space where the cage was with something else to "fill in" the area. It isn't unusual for a visual child to become a little possessive of other things in their life; being particular about the order or visual display of food, clothes or personal items. This is simply about trying to gain control in their environment at a time where they are feeling loss. They may burst into tears at the simplest of things and become quiet or difficult to manage as they try to get a hold on the emotions they are feeling. Taste and smell children are known for feeling transference, so be aware when they become hysterical about odd things like not having the right coloured pencil. It isn't the pencil that bothers them, they have transferred their feelings about the loss of their pet to the more tangible item of a pencil. By guiding your child with kindness assurance and understanding through the difficult event of the loss of a pet, you will be teaching them important skills necessary for being able to cope with challenges later in life. – McClatchy-Tribune Information Services |
| You are subscribed to email updates from Family To stop receiving these emails, you may unsubscribe now. | Email delivery powered by Google |
| Google Inc., 20 West Kinzie, Chicago IL USA 60610 | |
0 ulasan:
Catat Ulasan