The Star Online: Lifestyle: Health

A pillar of strength in his wife's cancer journey

Posted: 21 Nov 2012 05:21 AM PST

One writer shares how he cared for his wife through her cancer journey.

THREE months after experiencing the joy of fatherhood for the first time with the birth of my daughter Lily, I learned my wife, Heather, had mesothelioma, a rare and very deadly form of cancer. I had expected to spend the next few years caring for an infant and toddler; I never dreamed I would become my wife's caregiver during her difficult time.

I will never forget the helpless feeling of sitting in the doctor's office while my wife cried at the news we'd just been given.

Despite the terrible emotional blow, we still had to pull ourselves together and start making important decisions that literally could mean the difference between her life and death.

The gravity of these decisions brought me back to reality.

Lily and my wife gave me strength in the time just after the diagnosis. At first, I was overwhelmed with rage, anger, and especially fear, but eventually, I learned how to process those feelings better without lashing out at others.

I needed to be calm in the centre of this storm.

The last thing my wife needed at that time was to know just how scared I really was.

It wasn't easy, though. I had to take on all the responsibilities. My wife had to focus on getting well, so I looked after our house, Lily, and our pets as well as taking care of travel and working.

It was a crash course in organisation and planning. Even with the help of our incredibly generous friends and family, I was overwhelmed at times, and my wife had no idea what I was going through.

For two months, I was separated from my wife and Lily, and that was the most difficult time of all. My wife had a surgery called an extrapleural pneumonectomy in Boston, and during that time Lily went to stay with her grandparents in South Dakota.

Following the operation, Heather went to stay with her parents in South Dakota as well for recovery, while I remained at home to work.

Heather needed time to recuperate and recover before embarking on another gruelling round of mesothelioma treatment, and these unfortunate circumstances forced us to be apart.

I only got to see them once during the entire two months she was there. I left work on a Friday and drove for 11 hours to see them. It snowed all night long, and at one point, I had to stop and sleep in the car in the hopes that the roads would be clear in a few hours. I spent an exhausted 24 hours with them and Sunday morning was back on the road again so I wouldn't miss work.

I had to keep working, though, so I couldn't take care of the two of them. The separation was necessary despite it being so hard on all of us.

I try not to regret any of the choices that we made during my wife's treatment. I think they were the best choices we could have made at the time.

Looking back, I still feel they were good choices. We all had to learn to accept many conditions that were not ideal during that time.

I did learn some important lessons from this experience. I learned that it's important to let others help me and that we were lucky to have options in the first place.

After six years, my wife is thriving and cancer-free, and I hope that telling my story inspires others who are in similar situations.

> Cameron Von St James is a survivor advocate for the Mesothelioma Cancer Alliance (mesothelioma.com/blog/authors/cameron/). He works as a network analyst for a bank and is passionate about bringing awareness to mesothelioma and the danger of asbestos exposure. It is his hope that sharing his story will help others those battling cancer and their caregivers who provide them care and guidance in their journey.

Kredit: www.thestar.com.my

Rabu, 21 November 2012

The Star Online: Lifestyle: Health

The Star Online: Lifestyle: Health

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