The Star Online: Lifestyle: Parenting
The Star Online: Lifestyle: Parenting |
| Posted: 22 Aug 2012 02:56 AM PDT This mother is in a dilemma over raising an iKid. MY son has a new stock phrase that never fails to irritate me. "Mama, I have nothing to do," he would say, followed quickly by a hopeful: "Can I play with your phone?" We could be strolling in a park or shopping for groceries that is, doing something – yet my five-year-old would still be hungry for an electronic fix. Not that he gets one very often. I let him play an app that is non-violent such as Cupcake Maker on my iPhone maybe once every other week, when I need to get him out of my hair for a spell. And while he gets to watch some TV on weekends, we've managed to fend off most of his requests to play games or watch videos on our iPad. But it seems Linksters, today's youngest demographic slice that spends most of their waking hours online, are hardwired to be, well, wired. More than once, I've found my cellphone or tablet temporarily out of action because he has hit the maximum number of attempts allowed to break the passcodes while I was out of sight. I'm not sure how much longer I can hold out. And should I? Till when? Much has been written about the physiological hazards that long-term use of blink-fast gadgets pose to young minds, from shortening attention spans to disrupting sleep patterns and breeding impatience. They are rewiring our systems and warping our sense of reality for sure. I've heard anecdotes of little ones who, upon seeing something they don't much fancy, stick out their index finger to swipe away an offending page in a book, an image on the TV or even a breathing person in front of them. Yet you also hear stories of preschoolers who have picked up useful things at lightning speed via digital interactions, from learning to read to cracking mental puzzles. So while I want to shield my kids from the potential risks for as long as I can, the conflicted kiasu mum in me wonders: Will my son lose out if I go on barring him from mastering what have become everyday tools? Heck, schools are already adopting tablets to facilitate teaching and learning. As a Gen-Xer who bought my first cellphone only when I was 24, I can be forgiven for being barely tech-literate. But he is a digital native: Facebook and Twitter had already taken the world by storm when I had him in 2007. When his sister came along three years later, the first iPad and the iPhone 4 were about to hit the market. Here's the dilemma: Could withholding technology from iKids be akin to depriving them of oxygen? Are all electronic gadgets necessarily bad for them? So while I deny my son access to the iPad, I just as quickly signed him up when his kindergarten began offering computer classes. These structured lessons under the supervision of a trained facilitator make a good compromise, I tell myself. But I suspect they are also fuelling his need to be entertained constantly, hence his frequent gripes about being bored even when he has shelves of books, toys and puzzles at his disposal. Didn't we have to find ways to amuse ourselves when we were young? Isn't that a kind of learning too? But being weaned on a constant diet of vivid online stimuli is breeding a generation of passive media consumers who, experts fear, will find the real world dull by comparison. In an article on children's growing addiction to electronic devices in May, Australia's The Canberra Times quoted Larry Rosen, a professor of psychology at California State University in the United States, as saying: "How can you expect the world to compete with something like an iPad 3 with a high-definition screen, clear video and lots of interactivity? How can anything compete with that?" What may help in this fast and furious digital age is to hold on to some old-school parenting rules: practise moderation and set limits. No electronics at mealtime and bedtime, for instance. And when I say use it for 10 minutes, I mean just 10 minutes. Because, really, there is no turning back. American workplace expert Larry Johnson, who coined the term "Linkster" in a 2010 book he co-wrote with his daughter – Generations, Inc: From Boomers To Linksters – said of the generation born after 1994: "Their vocabulary lessons include words like terrorism and Google. The nice lady that gives you directions from your GPS is an icon for them and as trustworthy as a police officer." The other day, as I drove past the scene of a minor car accident on our way home, my son wanted to know what happened. I said I had no clue. "You go check the Internet later and tell me, okay?" he replied. His trust in the World Wide Web is sure and complete. To him, a smart device is an unparalleled source of information and entertainment. Just how should we raise the iGeneration? Perhaps I should Google the answer. – The Straits Times, Singapore/Asia News Network |
| Posted: 22 Aug 2012 02:13 AM PDT HERE'S an alarming fact: inactivity causes between 6% and 10% of all coronary heart disease, type 2 diabetes, breast and colon cancer worldwide. Inactivity is the fourth leading cause of death worldwide. According to Harvard School of Public Health epidemiology professor Dr I-Min Lee inactivity causes some 5.3 million deaths a year and is threading on becoming a pandemic. So really, getting active isn't a choice anymore. It's a prescription for living. Unfortunately, says personal trainer and yoga instructor Herny Suraya, not many Malaysians see exercise as a priority in their lives. Most Malaysians exercise only in their spare time. "It's just not something most Malaysians pay attention to. I think there is a lack of awareness and education about the importance of exercise and physical activity in our daily life. "Most people say they will exercise in their free time … which they don't have. Actually, that's not true because even if they had free time, you'd find them doing something else like sitting at the mamak stall with a teh tarik and roti canai. There is no excuse, really. We just have to make time. After all, everyone has the same amount of time in a day. Everyone has 24 hours … we have to make time," says Herny who has been in fitness training for seven years. Dr Tee agrees wholeheartedly. "The onus is on the individual. But people must first believe exercise and healthy eating are really important. They must realise that the consequences of physical inactivity and sedentary lifestyle are extremely serious and there is no need for further scientific proof. Only then will they take long-term measures to be on the move," he says. Herny says the government should create awareness on the importance of being fit and provide more opportunities for the public to exercise, by building infrastructure such as well equipped public gyms with trained fitness personnel, more community halls for people to play games in, parks that are safe and well maintained, and cycling and running tracks that are away from public roads. "I believe there are measures being taken by the Government (to encourage physical activity) but I don't think it is enough. They can build more public facilities like free, community gyms with trained coaches or fitness experts as well as be more aggressive in raising awareness on the importance of exercising and eating healthily," she says. Fitness enthusiast Brian Wong believes individuals must take responsibility for their well-being. "We complain that there aren't enough parks or proper running tracks or that the weather in Malaysia is not conducive for us to walk or run outdoors but honestly, these are all excuses. We have to live with what we have and we do have some nice places. Lake Gardens is a really lovely park and so is the Kiara park in Taman Tun Dr Ismail, Kuala lumpur. I mean, it's our lives, after all. "I think you can be fit and healthy if we decide to do something about it. If we don't feel safe running at night or outdoors, we can do something else like joining a gym, practise yoga or exercise at home. I carry my skipping rope with me wherever I go," says Wong. |
| Posted: 22 Aug 2012 02:12 AM PDT This dad-of-six watches with pride as his brood prospers under his love and guidance. REFLECTING on my parenting journey always takes me back to the 1980s before I got married. I had an idea of parenting back then, which I still apply today. As the eldest son in a poor, big family of nine brothers and sisters, I opted to work after Form Five to help out the family and enable my siblings to have a chance to further their education. I started as an apprentice carpenter under my father in the hope of having my own business one day. I did that with two friends years later. Unfortunately, our modest operation did not last through the bad economy and our partnership broke up in 1987. That year, my eldest daughter was born. Already deprived of a salary during the last months of our business, I found myself in need of money to pay for my daughter's hospital fees. But thanks to a small fortune from a rare betting bid, I had just enough to tide me over.  Loving me, loving you: The writer with eldest daughter Yin Pui Leng, 25 (left), after her return from Japan in 2009. With them are his wife Tham Wai Khum, and (second from left) fifth son Mun Yeong, 18, fourth son Mun Cheong, 20, and the youngest Mun Fei, 16. (Second daughter Pui Mun, 23, and third son Mun Kit, 22, are not in the picture.)My wife and I took very good care of our first-born. We went to the park on my days off. I read to her and even invented a few bedtime stories. Two years later our second girl arrived. Thankfully, there was a cheaper package for childbirth. I continued to tell them stories, and take them to the park after work and shopping together. With both my wife and I working, my parents, who were living with us, cared for the girls in the day until we returned in the evening. A year after that our third child, a son, was born, and our lives became even more hectic. However, I still made sure to tell the children stories, buy them cartoon shows to watch, and take them for outings. One day when my son was about a year old and had just learnt to walk, we all went to a shopping mall. As soon as we reached the toys' department the kids excitedly ran off in different directions. My son was missing for a few minutes. We frantically looked everywhere. On the floor above I found him wandering by himself; he must have taken the escalator when we were distracted. To this day that episode still sends shivers down my spine. We welcomed three more boys to the fold, the last of whom was born in the new home we finally managed to own. By now we had more responsibilities, higher expenditure and less time with the children since the elder ones were already in school. They continued to attend school near my mother's house and had to wake at 5.30am to catch the school bus at 6am. Those were very tough times and my wife quit her job to become a full-time homemaker. I continued to tell them stories, which they knew by heart yet still enjoyed. Amid all this I found time to join the Volunteer Reserve Police. On the scheduled days I would report for duty at the police station at 6pm before finishing at 11pm or sometimes past midnight. I had also been a member of Rela (People's Volunteer Corps). I am a strong believer of giving back to the community. At home I did my domestic duties, including trimming my four sons' hair (nowadays I am left with only one willing "customer" – my fourth son). My barber service not only saved us money but allowed me to bond with the boys. I don't scold or whip my children when they misbehave, preferring to talk to them. I don't force my ideas on any of my kids; they are free to decide for themselves what they want. All I keep drumming into them is to be humble, honest, work hard, and never be ashamed of being poor. And the importance of living within our means, planning for the future and striving to better oneself. I try to lead by example. I take up courses to upgrade my knowledge. I learnt to use the computer, and set up a business online all on my own. My children are grown now, with the younger ones in their teens. My eldest daughter started working in Japan this year. We will be visiting her later this year. We miss her terribly. These past four years she has struggled to study while working part-time (legally, of course). My second daughter will be graduating soon and is considering doing her Master's. My third son is in his second year in a local university and does marketing work during term breaks to earn extra pocket money. My forth and fifth sons are in a local college while the youngest is in Form Four. It saddens me sometimes, not being able to give my children more pocket money. But somehow they never ask for more, like I never did with my parents. As a parent I can empathise perfectly with my father who went through hardship raising a family on his measly carpenter's wages. I may not be doing extremely well financially due to my lack of qualifications but I know I have provided for my family to the best of my ability. I don't smoke, drink, gamble or spend unnecessarily – values that I want my children to uphold. |
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