The Star Online: Lifestyle: Bookshelf
The Star Online: Lifestyle: Bookshelf |
| Posted: 19 Jul 2011 04:42 PM PDT A parenting 101 by a couple whose six children straddle two generations. HUSBAND-and-wife team, Jamilah Samian and Ahmad Fakhri Hamzah, has recently come up with the interestingly titled The Groovy Guide To Parenting Gen Y And Z. The subtext "123 ideas to connect with youths who breathe the Internet" gives you an idea of the content within the 184 pages of the self-published book. Why "groovy"? The writers say because it is in sync with the way the ideas are presented in the book. It's meant to be an upbeat, easy, engaging read, despite the serious subject matter. Both 49, the couple have six children – five boys and one girl – aged between 12 and 25: four Gen-Ys (those born between 1981 and 1994) and two Gen-Zs (those born between 1995 and 2009). Jamilah is a work-at-home mum, juggling parenting duties, writing and running the company she set up with her husband, Myriad Ventures. Under this company, Jamilah and Ahmad, both certified trainers, run training programmes on parenting and more. In addition, the couple, who reside with their brood in Ampang, Selangor, run a homestay programme in Janda Baik, Pahang, as well as their youngest son's cookie business. Jamilah has written two other books, Cool Mum Super Dad and Cool Boys Super Sons. This is her third book and the first she co-authored with her husband. She is currently working on her next book, about marriage. Here, Jamilah and Ahmad share parenting tips and insights with readers. How long did it take you to figure out which parenting methods work and which don't? Jamilah: I've not always been the kind of parent that I am now. My first years as a parent were a struggle as I had so little knowledge (about being a parent). It took me 10 years to figure it out. I read a lot. There isn't one specific parenting title that opened my eyes. So it was about taking the best of everyone and figuring out what worked for my family. Ahmad: It was about refining the methods. It's a continuous journey because the children and the environment they grow up in keep changing. It's about situational parenting – doing the right things rather than doing things right. A lot of employers find Gen Y unsuitable in a structured work environment. There are also people who think Gen Y is not employable, that they make better business owners and entrepreneurs. What's your take on this? Jamilah: That's true, whether fortunately or unfortunately. Gen Y grew up in a world where they see a lot of possibilities. Because of the information that is available to them, it opens their minds. I have always encouraged my kids to be entrepreneurs. But not everyone has to become one; it depends on the child. In the workplace, it does take a change of mindset on the part of the employer. A lot of managers in the corporate world come from the baby boomer generation, and this is usually the group that has the biggest conflict with Gen Y. For the baby boomers, work defines them. For Gen Y, balance is priority, and they tend to look out for their own welfare rather than the company's. They don't see the need to be loyal to a single employer for long. The way to deal with Gen Y is simply to take the time to explain to them. Tell them why structure is important to the task at hand. Tell them why certain things are done. They're more likely to listen with this direct approach. Ahmad: I think it boils down to all parties not giving enough time to learn and find ways to complement each other's strengths, and also finding ways to fill the gaps. Every generation has its uniqueness. We should utilise this uniqueness and not moan about it. Are your children entrepreneurs? Jamilah: Our eldest, Ahmad Saifuddin, 25, is a computer engineer who is happy with his flexible work arrangement. He is not into working in a big corporation, with a fixed corporate structure. He writes applications for iPhone, and conducts training. Our second, Ahmad Salahuddin, 23, started his company seven months ago. He was a corporate trainer previously, but he believes he will be able to unleash more of his potential working on his own. Alia Nadhirah, 20, is a third-year medical student. Ahmad Safiuddin, 17, is awaiting his O-Levels results, while Ahmad Syarifuddin, 15, and Ahmad Sirajuddin, 12, are still in school. Siraj, our youngest, has a thriving cookie business called Siraj's Chocolicious Honey Cookies! He started it to save money to visit a friend in South Africa after we told him to raise the funds himself. His business was so successful that even after he'd made enough for the trip, he decided to continue! Your book talks about instant gratification, entitlement and multi-tasking as three issues with Gen Y and Z. Which one is most challenging? Jamilah: Of the three, entitlement is the hardest. There are two aspects – positive entitlement and negative entitlement. Gen Y is used to being heard, and getting things fast. As parents, we need to nurture a positive sense of entitlement, which is about speaking up against things that are not right, asking questions and an entitlement to information and knowledge. Negative entitlement happens when children are used to getting materialistic things. It's become a given, which we shouldn't nurture. Kids need to be grateful for what they have and know that no matter how wealthy their parents are, they have to earn their own living. Ahmad: I agree. It's entitlement. Kids need to know themselves and their roles in society. It's also about setting boundaries about what to expect. What is the most important point parents need to know about fostering independence in their children? Jamilah: Parents need to always try to be visionary and think of the big picture. We have a tendency to be protective. The questions you need to ask are: How is this helping your child? Are you crippling him? And this applies to all ages, from the very young to adult children. If you keep jumping to his rescue, it'll help him in that moment, but he'll come to you again later. You're not going to be there all the time. Ahmad: There has to be trust but also firm boundaries. There is no compromise on cardinal sins but we are merciful on minor mistakes. What is your personal parenting practice? Jamilah: We change and the kids change, too. We always need to make constant adjustments and be ready for the changes. But no matter how ready you are, there will still be surprises. With us, there is a strong connection with God. We do whatever we can and surrender the rest to Him. If something doesn't work, ask yourself if there is something you can do to make things better. Ahmad: I always try to equip my kids with thinking tools. I get to know them, engage them, and the most important things are to be flexible and to BE there. How do you deal with the differences in your kids? Jamilah: I don't see their differences as weaknesses, but strengths. I always ask how I can encourage my kids to use their differences to become the best person he or she can be. Ahmad: We harness their strengths and allow them to explore and discover their passions. We are there to always support and guide. How do you view education for kids? Jamilah: In learning, there must be room for them to think beyond what is given to them. One of the reasons I decided to put my kids in the O-Levels (international stream) is to allow them room to think further. It doesn't emphasise so much rote learning, and memorising. I want them to think and to apply what they learn. I will always tell them that they have to be clear on why they need good grades. It is so that they can go to university, and not just for the sake of getting straight As. Ahmad: It is a continuous and relentless effort on our part to provide a multi-dimensional approach to learning. We provide the informal aspect of education to complement what they learn in school. What is the one thing you hope your kids will bring with them into their adult lives? Jamilah: The most important thing is that they see themselves as agents of positive change. Ahmad: We hope each will have a moral character that will touch the hearts of others who are connected with him or her. What do you hope to impart with this guide? Jamilah: After the first two books, I thought I was done with parenting books. But when we give talks, parents are always asking, "What do we actually do?" It's very well to share theories, but different people have different ideas of how to translate those theories into action. So we decided we needed to do a book about practical ideas that parents can use. Good parents always try to find ways to make things work, but sometimes they will have doubts. This book spells out contemporary issues with parenting, and how to deal with them. Armed with the why and how, parents become focused and more confident about what they're doing, and where they're going with their children. ■ The Groovy Guide To Parenting Gen Y And Z is available at major bookstores. Full Feed Generated by Get Full RSS, sponsored by USA Best Price. |
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