The Star Online: Lifestyle: Parenting
The Star Online: Lifestyle: Parenting |
| Posted: 22 Jun 2011 05:11 AM PDT American 'koodie' serves up reviews of restaurants online. ELI Knauer has a ravenous appetite for seeking out the juiciest meats and sweetest desserts in restaurants in Baltimore, Maryland. But at just 10 years old, he is no ordinary food critic. Standing just four feet (1.2m) tall, Eli may appear diminutive, but he has an expansive vocabulary with which he praises, and occasionally skewers, the eateries he visits at least once a week with his parents. The idea for his online review column flourished during a summer vacation after he told his mother he wanted to become a food critic when he grows up and she said he needed to first start a blog. Adventures Of A Koodie – or a kid foodie – chronicles Eli's take on restaurants in and around Baltimore on the US East Coast, as well as other areas he visits with his family of five. Nearly a year and more than 50 restaurants later, Eli knows what to look for: "The juiciness in meat, sweetness in desserts and gooeyness in cheese." And some 120 followers now subscribe to regular updates from his blog, which has received around 43,000 page views. Restaurateurs beware, however. For Eli to reward them with his top five stars, the restaurant "has to have good food and kid-friendliness – a kids' area or TVs or entertainment with kids' stuff on it like cartoons or movies, kids' meals and kid-friendly food like pizza." That's not surprising for someone whose favourite food is "pizza, bacon pizza!" His parents, Jason and Cheryl, encourage their son to keep up with his blog and critiques, noting it has helped improve his writing. And some of his teachers check in for ideas on where to take their own children out to eat. "If he keeps at it and he's himself and he's always true to himself, he's gonna go far with it," Jason Knauer, a local photographer, said as he sat on the front steps of their modest home in a Baltimore suburb. "As a teenager, he's going to definitely have to develop that more because he's going to have a different audience." Eli's enthusiasm and success took his parents by surprise, especially for a child who did not start talking until he was nearly four years old. "This has helped him a lot to develop his vocabulary and get more comfortable speaking," said Cheryl Knauer. "You would never know that this was a child you were afraid was never going to talk." Eli has even won a small helping of fame after a host of radio, television and newspaper interviews. But at school, he's treated just like all the others, as a kid who gets in trouble once in a while, loves his cartoon shows and plays videogames. Friends "just treat me normal," Eli told AFP. "It doesn't matter if I'm famous or not," he added, attributing his newfound fame to "all these followers and all these page reviews." For one recent review, the young food critic headed to Morton's The Steakhouse, "a fancy restaurant because people wear bow ties and fancy chef hats," in Eli's words. It's an award-winning restaurant more accustomed to a hushed atmosphere with couples dining on tuna tartare, filet mignon and domestic double rib lamb chops rather than macaroni and cheese and other standard American kids' fare. But Eli was ecstatic when the server brought out a big basket of onion bread that he quickly devoured. "That's awesome. I love it, I love it!" he said, consoled somewhat after being "terrified" by a live lobster handled on a demonstration table. Then came a bacon cheeseburger twice as wide as his face, accompanied by French fries and a Coke. "This burger is not kid-friendly because it's so big, a kid wouldn't be able to eat it all," Eli said, finishing barely a quarter of the meal. But he was shrewd enough to save just enough room for dessert, Morton's Legendary Sundae. When he caught a glimpse of the towering molten chocolate cake, vanilla ice cream and whip cream extravaganza topped with a maraschino cherry, Eli's jaw dropped and his eyes popped. The restaurant is appropriate for "kids who are quiet, kids who like to be fancy," but no younger than eight, Eli concluded. On his blog, he didn't mince words, giving Morton's five stars for the food, but just 1.5 stars for kid-friendliness. "If you want to have your child go out to Morton's make sure his stomach is completely empty so he can eat every bite of his food," he wrote. "And make sure that he doesn't eat all of the humongous Morton's Legendary Hot Fudge Sundae (so) they don't get a humongous stomach ache!" – AFP Full Feed Generated by Get Full RSS, sponsored by USA Best Price. |
| Posted: 22 Jun 2011 04:42 AM PDT Bullies dominate, blame and use others. But the good thing is, they are not born that way. SHE was dumped in a rubbish bin on a street corner by a group of boys from her class while the girls laughed mercilessly at her. She was mortified, and at the tender age of 14 was left feeling worthless. She was the future Lady Gaga. The world-famous American pop star isn't the first – nor will she be the last – celebrity to publicly admit to being a victim of bullies at school. Indeed, school bullying is rampant. Students in the United States are not spared. When he was young, superstar Tom Cruise, too, was bullied because he was dyslexic. Megan Fox was teased and called names because she wanted to be an actress. Olympic swimming champion Michael Phelps, despite his big built, was also victimised. Ironically, he was mocked because of his tall, gangly form and the fact that he was a swimmer instead of a footballer! Closer to home, there was the recent saga involving four teenage girls of a secondary school in Kepong, Kuala Lumpur, whose humiliating bullying of their classmate created an uproar when it was filmed and uploaded on YouTube. A 14-day suspension imposed on the perpetrators, a cup of tea and a word of apology may have provided some form of closure but many are still asking, "How can such a thing happen?" Let's examine the scourge. Bullying is when a person's behaviour is purposely meant to harm or disturb another person. It is not the same as "aggression" or "violence", although elements of these may be present when bullying occurs. It is not simply a desire to hurt. Bullying is actual hurtful behaviour directed by more powerful individuals or groups against those who are less powerful. It is typically repeated, often enjoyed by the bully or bullies, never justified. It is experienced as oppression. Types of bullying include verbal belittling regarding religion, race, looks, or speech; hitting, pushing or slapping; rumours; and sexual comments or gestures. An indirect way of bullying prevalent among teens is forming their own cliques and intentionally isolating the "outcast". Psychologists used to believe that bullies have low self-esteem, and thus, tend to put down other people to feel better about themselves. While many bullies are themselves bullied at home or at school, new research shows that most bullies actually have excellent self-esteem. Bullies usually have a sense of entitlement and superiority over others. They lack compassion, impulse control and social skills. They enjoy being cruel to others and sometimes use bullying as an anger management tool, the way a normally angry person would punch a pillow. All bullies have certain attitudes and behaviours in common. Bullies dominate, blame and use others. They have contempt for the weak and view them as their prey. They lack empathy and foresight, and do not accept responsibility for their actions. They are concerned only about themselves and crave attention. The good thing is, bullies are not born that way, although certain traits such as impulsiveness and aggression may be predisposing factors. But this does not mean that they will automatically become a bully. Bullying is a learned behaviour, not a character trait. Bullies can learn new ways to curb their aggression and handle conflicts. Bullies come from all backgrounds, and girls are just as likely as boys to bully and abuse others verbally, although boys are three times more likely to be physically abusive. Different homes, different bullies Interestingly, author Susan Coloraso suggests that there are different types of bullies produced in different homes: > The hyperactive bully who does not understand social cues and therefore reacts inappropriately and often physically. > The detached bully plans his attacks and is charming to everyone but his victims. > The social bully has a poor sense of self and manipulates others through gossip and meanness. > The bullied bully gets relief from his own sense of helplessness by overpowering others. Family upbringing and parenting have a big part to play. A bully's parents may be permissive and unable to set limits on their child's behaviour. His parents may themselves have been abused as children and view disciplinary measures as a form of child abuse. As a result, the child never internalises rules of conduct or respect for authority. On the other hand, self-centred, neglectful parents can create a cold, calculating bully. Since no one takes an interest in his life, he abuses others to get attention. His bullying can be planned and relentless, as he constantly humiliates his victim, often getting other children to join him. As if the act of bullying is not enough, the bully uploads it onto social media to "show off" his "achievements", thereby getting maximum attention and bringing ultimate shame to his victims. There are yet others who are from relatively healthy families who participate in the act of bullying due to peer pressure and in the name of fun, without realising the serious implication. Indeed, there are many reasons for bullying. The key is that in understanding it, we hope to prevent it. Lady Gaga has expressed empathy with teenagers who are bullied at school. "Bullying really stays with you your whole life, and it really, really never goes away," she has said. When you listen to her songs and watch her performances – beyond her fame, popularity and eccentricity – one cannot help but wonder if she is still hurting.... • Charis Patrick is a trainer and family life educator who is married with four children. Full Feed Generated by Get Full RSS, sponsored by USA Best Price. |
| Posted: 22 Jun 2011 03:45 AM PDT A new parenting guide offers the art of roughhousing. IT took an MD and a PhD to come up with The Art Of Roughhousing, a new parenting guide to good old-fashioned horseplay complete with ultra-simple diagrams for a safe "raucous pillow fight" or round of "human cannonball." Can the helicopter parents handle it? You could break an arm, put an eye out! The writers, both dads, think that they can. They consider it crucial, in fact, to kids' self-esteem and physical development that parents unplug the family, loosen up and let fly. "Play looks a lot different now. There's this huge kind of obsession with safety. Nobody's playing at night anymore. Technology has taken over playtime," said co-author Lawrence Cohen, a psychologist in Boston, Massachusetts. No dummies, publisher Quirk Books embraces the realities of parenting today with a big fat legal disclaimer in bold blue print on the book's first page that concludes: "We urge you to obey the law and the dictates of common sense at all times." Roughhousing, after all, is "rowdy, but not dangerous," the book encourages. It also "flows with spontaneity, improvisation and joy," but – done right – requires mattresses be hauled out or couch cushions laid on the floor so kids as young as three can jump safely from on high. How did parenting come to this, a manual for the most natural of urges? "Parents usually aren't doing it exactly the right way, or the most healthy way," said the other co-author, gastroenterologist Anthony DeBenedet in Ann Arbor, Michigan. "They also don't allow for that wind-down period after because, understandably, they have things to do. Get dinner done or get ready for bed." Roughhousing, they said, need not leave kids revved up or promote violence. It can actually make kids smarter, emotionally intelligent, likable – even lovable, according to the book released in the United States on May 27. "In other words," the two wrote, "when we roughhouse with our kids, we model for them how someone bigger and stronger holds back. We teach them self-control, fairness and empathy. We let them win, which gives them confidence and demonstrates that winning isn't everything." With their guide, DeBenedet and Cohen have tapped into the "take back childhood" movement, a backlash to the heavy scheduling and academic pressure that has some in the field of child-rearing warning of an entire generation that can take tests nicely but likely won't have the freedom of mind to run the world one day. The two are downright pied pipers, conducting workshops on how to roughhouse at community events and schools in their areas. Cohen already had a reputation from his previous book, Playful Parenting, which is now in its 11th printing. "There are some who come in and think it's bad territory, that my job is to tell them to stop," Cohen said. "We don't think that safety comes from not doing roughhousing but that safety comes from doing it in a safe way." Consider twirling. "The key to twirling is to establish a solid anchor," the book instructs. Is "suspension" more your style? "You can incorporate suspension into almost any flight move; just make sure it causes delight, not panic." Does the notion of spotting confuse? "You don't have to be a gymnastics coach to understand the basics of spotting. To spot is to keep a person free from injury by gently helping her to a safe landing or guiding her through the completion of a move." Each activity in the guide is accompanied by a 1950s-style visual aid and written in an easy-to-follow format offering the ages of kids it can benefit, the level of difficulty and the essential skills it offers. Take the Raucous Pillow Fight. Such a thing is good for children four and up. Its difficulty is "easy" and it teaches "losing and winning". The best pillows for whacking are the big, fluffy kind rather than the small, hard sofa kind. "When battling your opponent," the book cautions, "always hold the zippered part of the pillow and whack with the other end to prevent injuries like eyeball lacerations." CHECK! Audrey Brashich, 40, has two boys, ages four and two. It's not really about her physical play with the kids, but how they play with each other that worries her. "All they do is roughhousing. They're physically incapable of not doing it," said Brashich, who lives in Vancouver, British Columbia. "I find it stressful, dangerous for them and the interior of my home, which is taking a beating, too." What does she do instead? "We don't hang out at home," she said. "I would rather make up errands on rainy days. Anything is better than keeping them at home, trying to play games or do Play-Doh. Everyone is happier and safer if we get out and are busy." Would she find a guide on how to safely roughhouse with her kids helpful? "Hmmm. Most likely not," Brashich said. In Costa Mesa, California, Alissa Circle, 31, has a three-year-old daughter and an 18-month-old son. It's their wrestling, chasing, jumping on furniture and running in the house the second she turns her back that most concerns her. "I'd love to find ways to organise the craziness to make it fun for them, but not make me constantly feel like I'm saying, 'Stop, don't do that!'" What, specifically, are they doing? "Sometimes I feel like I run to the bathroom and when I come back they've taken all of the pillows off the playroom couch and are jumping off the couch onto them," she said. No worries, Alissa, they might have got it right on their own. – AP Full Feed Generated by Get Full RSS, sponsored by USA Best Price. |
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