The Star Online: Entertainment: TV & Radio

Tune into the Amazing Adventures of the Sofa Spudniks

Posted: 23 May 2011 07:38 PM PDT

In the world of the idiot box, anybody can be your friend. They come in different shapes, sizes and persuasions ... which makes life that much more exciting.

WE'VE worked together for several years now, and we've shared numerous tales with each other, lived through births and deaths, marriages and divorce, friendships and fights. The one mainstay of our "relationship" is ... wait for it ... television! Shallow as that may seem, some of our best times/talks have revolved around the boob tube.

We love television and have spent a good part of our lives looking up to, learning from, scoffing at and being inspired by the people who inhabit our goggle boxes. Indeed, our lives would be oh-so-different had it not been for John Logie Baird and his incredible invention in 1925.

In this first episode of our fortnightly column, which we've christened The Amazing Adventures Of The Sofa Spudniks, we wax lyrical about our chums on TV. Here we go. Press play, sit back, enjoy and hopefully, you'll tune in again in two weeks!

I AM in love with a serial killer. And the owner of a diner. And a mean but brilliant doctor. And a theoretical physicist. I think I may even love two neurotic women named Edina and Patsy. Arrest that frown of yours and suspend your judgment, please. Lest you think I'm wanton, let me assure you that I am never going to act on my feelings ... never mind that it's because I can't!

Let me introduce you to my TV friends: there's Dexter Morgan, the blood splatter analyst from Dexter; Luke Danes, the diner guy from Gilmore Girls; Dr Gregory House from House M.D; Sheldon Cooper from The Big Bang Theory (this series hasn't made its way here yet but perhaps if I keep writing about it, that will change); and Edina Monsoon and Patsy Stone from Absolutely Fabulous. I love my TV friends. They complete me. I'm not a social outcast with no real-people friends. But, let's face it, the friends you make on TV are a lot easier to deal with than many people you encounter in real life. Also, they're dependable (I know exactly when and where to find them), they're never late and they're consistent – well, mostly anyhow. Here's why these six are my favourites.

Let's start with Dexter (played by Michael C. Hall). A serial killer may seem like the least likely character to relate to but Dexter is my perfect imperfect man. The poor fella had a really traumatic childhood. He watched his mother get killed when he was just a toddler and was left to sit in her blood for days until the police came to rescue him and his older brother (who also turned into a serial killer). Does that give him the licence to kill? Well no, but Dexter kills only bad people. He's a vigilante. Besides, apart from the killing, Dexter is a really nice guy (of course, he doesn't admit this). He's a great big brother, a loving husband (though emotionally crippled) and a doting dad and stepdad. He is troubled and his inner monologue – the way he rationalises his killing – makes him human. OK, so it's a little bit unbelievable how he never gets caught (despite quite a few close calls), but hey, its TeeVee.

Now, Luke Danes (Scott Patterson) I like because, well, he's a hunka chunk of burning love. He's a man's man (he builds boats AND cooks) but he's also really sensitive and loyal to boot. OK. This is getting soppy. Suffice to say, he's pretty much what you'd think an ideal guy would be (yeah, he wears flannel all the time, but so what?).

And then there's Dr House (Hugh Laurie). He's brilliant, no doubt about it. He's also very obnoxious and I think a lot of his appeal is because he doesn't suffer fools easily. Sure, a large part of his appeal is also because Hugh Laurie is quite the dish ... yum. Now, isn't there a part of you that wishes you could be like House? That you could deliver a snarky (and smart) line or two to a know-it-all colleague? An obnoxious stranger? An irreverent neighbour? Perhaps, I am living out my fantasies vicariously through House. Well I was, until Season Seven where, honestly, I don't even recognise the House I once loved anymore. That's enough, or I might give away some spoilers.

You may not have know Sheldon Cooper ... sorry, Dr Sheldon Cooper, but he's the easiest person to love. I think he brings out my maternal instincts (egad! is this a sign of ageing?). He's awkward, he's adorable, he's super smart, he's a geek, he is bitingly funny, he's obnoxious and he's introduced a new word to my lexicon: Bazinga! Smarts with Sheldon is the new kind of cool.

Lastly, my two all-time favourite women on TV are the completely inappropriate (in every way) but Absolutely Fabulous duo. Drunk almost all of the time, Edina (Jennifer Saunders) and Patsy (Joanna Lumley) never fail to make me smile ... no, make that LOL. They're vulgar, tasteless and without an ounce of political correctness. They're the people you want to be around but don't want to be seen with. Thank goodness they are on TV, eh? – S.I.

I (heart) television, and I always have. As far back as when I was five or six, I remember pretending Rodney Harrington (Ryan O'Neal in the 1960s TV series Peyton Place) lived on my street. I was prone to idle confabulations revolving him and me.

As I grew up, I started making new (fictional) friends, some of whom I have had life-long relationships with. One such example is Fox Mulder – whom I'm sure I must have known in another life. The X-Files was a huge part of my 1990s. I close my eyes and I can immediately hear him saying things in that oh-so Mulder way of his. If not for my kinship with Mulder, how else can you explain the reason I know strange factoids – like a reticulan's skin tone is grey or that Barney may be the most heinous and evil force of the 20th century? And what about my e-mail password? For the longest time it was TRUSTNO1, just like Mulder's. I even have a poster in my bedroom that says "I want to believe", for crying out loud. One doesn't form liaisons like that for no reason.

Before my days of Mulder, I remember being totally smitten by David Addison (Bruce Willis in the 1980s TV serial Moonlighting). I'd go weak in the knees if he so much as cracked a joke or sang a riff of Manfred Mann's Doo Wah Diddy, and I imagined I would someday meet a non-fictional character just like him. I am still waiting, and worse, I'm starting to feel like the lyrics of a certain Bob Marley song.

Most of my TV pals in the past were the mystery-solving types, mainly inspired by Ellery Queen, I think (Jim Hutton in the 1975 series of the same title). Queen would lay out all the clues as the case presented itself and invite the audience to share in the solving process with him. It was mystery bliss for me. I loved it! I got my weekly dose of playing sleuth (the occupation of choice at the time). What more could a seven-year-old ask for?

These days, my telly-mates have become all the more attractive, starring in TV shows that combine all my favourite genres in one heady mix – mystery, comedy, mysticism, sci-fi, writing and crime all in one. Super-duper! The last few years have found me racing home to spend time with Dean Winchester (Jensen Ackles in Supernatural), Peter Bishop (Joshua Jackson in Fringe) and Richard Castle (Nathan Fillion in Castle).

And when I'm not in the mood for anything too cerebral, there are always folks like Barney Stinson (Neil Patrick Harris in How I Met Your Mother) or Earl Hickey (Jason Lee from My Name Is Earl) to soothe my senses and get a chuckle or two out of me.

If I need to feel empowered (despite the fact that I'm a woman living in a man's world, who has a craving for all things sugary sweet), I know I am not alone, because Deputy Chief Brenda Leigh Johson (Kyra Sedgwick in The Closer) is always there for me to turn to; and if she can get by, so can I!

And when those hunger pangs strike at the oddest hours of the day, my go-to people are always Jamie Oliver, Michael Smith (Chef At Home) and yes, even Nigella Lawson – who always seem to whip up incredible meals and morsels of information that manage to satiate me somehow.

I love my TV friends ... they're always just a click away. – A.M.C.

> The Amazing Adventures Of The Sofa Spudniks is for the inertia-stricken.

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Isnin, 23 Mei 2011